Tuesday 19 March 2013

Forty's Curves

I’ve always looked young for my age, so even though thoughts of aging have been crossing my mind for a few years now - little noticings of wrinkles and spots, the so-infrequent grey hair, I pulled each one out - it wasn’t until my 39th birthday that I didn’t want people to know exactly how old I was turning. Anticipation of turning forty has been a major push this year (which has contained the deaths of my dad, stepdad, and uncle, a major transition in my marriage, moving out of my home, and now this, my European Adventure). But the thing I want to CELEBRATE is that somewhere in the past few months, as I acceded to the notion that I am a Forty-Year-Old, I let myself consider: gee, my soft little belly has looked just this same way for forever… Maybe it’s SUPPOSED to look this way. Oh god! Really? Yes, I’ve been eating and exercising for years thinking that I was missing the boat, that my belly should be flat and firm, I wasn’t being good enough - I still love my baked goods! - when it’s actually been just the way it was meant to be?? Wow. I have been allowing myself a freedom to be shaped the way I’m shaped, finally - at forty! - thinking that I have a great body. We’re still cultivating our friendship, my brain and my body, and this is a nice new development. Perhaps it’s also the expectation of France, where in my mind they appreciate a woman with curves, a woman who has taken loving care of her forty-year-old body… And still wants to play! I’m after the Sensual Life, no doubt. Stay tuned, this may get personal….

 

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